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| BRISES AND BABY NAMINGS |
The brit milah (circumcision): Circumcision has played an important role in Jewish identity and culture for more than three millennia, and continues to do so today. Circumcision is performed on the eighth day unless health considerations advise against it (in which case it is postponed until a physician gives permission) and is performed on Shabbat or Yom Kippur, indicating its supreme importance within Jewish tradition. The ceremony of circumcision, by which a boy enters the Covenant of Israel on his eighth day of life, goes back to the time and life of Avraham, who was commanded by G-d to circumcise himself, his son Ishmael, and all the males in his household, as a sign of this newly existent covenant between Him and Avraham (Genesis, chapter 17).
It is the parents who are actually commanded to circumcise their son, however, since few are qualified to perform this surgical procedure they may appoint a mohel as their agent. It is traditional to schedule the brit milah as early in the day as possible, signifying one's eagerness to observe the mitzvah. The baby is brought into the room by the k'vaterim (escorts). The infant is then placed on the lap of the sandek (godparent), who sits and holds the child in a chair. Following the circumcision, the child's Hebrew name is announced.
Naming a Daughter : Traditionally, the only rite recognizing the birth of a daughter is her naming. Over the past two decades, ceremonies have been developed to welcome girls into the Jewish covenant, filling a void in the tradition.
There are a variety of ceremonies that welcome a young girl into Jewish life, and we welcome the entire family into the Shul for the ceremony where not only is a name conferred, but admittance into the realm of the Jewish community as well. Her father/parents may be called for an aliyah following her birth and prayers are said for the child's and mother's health with the baby’s name being announced publicly.
Choosing a name for your child: There is no halachah (Jewish law) when it comes to naming our children. In fact, if we turn to the Torah for reference, we find that American Indians, the First Nations, most accurately follow biblical tradition. Running Bull's father probably saw a bull running in the field when little Running Bull was born. Moses was called Moses because the Torah tells us, "ki min ha-mayim m'shitihu", i.e., "for he was drawn from the water (Exodus 2:10)." If we today, were to follow this biblical tradition of naming our children after events which occurred at the moment of their birth, we would have names such as Traffic Jam on the 401, or TSE Down 50 Points.
We therefore turn to tradition, since we are taught that an accepted tradition over a period of three generations becomes law. In the Ashkenaz circles, (those of European descent) we name our children after deceased relatives. The Sefardic community (those of Middle Eastern descent) on the other hand, name their children after living relatives.
Either way, when naming a child, boy or girl, we give them first and foremost their Hebrew name. Let's say, we decide to name the child after Uncle Moishe. The child now has the Hebrew name of Moshe. Because we live in an English speaking society, parents may not wish for the child to go through life with the name of Moshe, so we choose an English name to go along with it. Many try to choose a name which will begin with the same letter as the Hebrew name. For our example, many would choose to call the child Max, Matthew, Mark, Michael etc. However, you could also choose Brian, Jeremy, Oscar or even Running Bull if you so desired, since this is only a commonly used secular name. The main name remains the Yiddishe or Hebrew name.
What if there are two or more deceased relatives after which to name the child, or what if a male is born and the family wishes to honor a deceased female relative? Two or more names can be given to any child in order to maintain shalom bayit, peace in the household. Many names can be changed from the feminine to the masculine, and vice-versa, based on their meaning.
Names oftentimes tend to change slightly over time. For example, I have an Uncle Sonny whose real name is Irving. No one calls him Irving, and he has always been known as Sonny, a nick-name which stuck with him since childhood. William becomes Billy, Robert becomes Bobby, Theodore becomes Teddy, and Irving even becomes Sonny. Likewise in Hebrew, Yaakov (Jacob) becomes Yankel; Yosef (Joseph) becomes Yoselleh; Shmuel (Samuel) becomes Shmeel. Even though we tend to say that "everyone called him/her by their endearing form", it is the true and original name which should be used for official purposes, i.e., documents or heaven forbid, memorials.
| BAR / BAT MITZVAH |
See the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Page >
| MI SH'BEIRACH |
Mi sh'beirach usually means prayer for the seriously ill. Mi sh'beirach prayers also announce to the community individual times of joy and need. When reciting birkat ha-gomel or a mi sh'beirakh, it is customary to contribute to tzedakah. During lifecycle events, we seek to embrace our community's past and present. This process can build community as news communicated and support mobilized.
Contact the Rabbi to have this prayer said for their well-being. Please provide the English and Hebrew names of the person for whom the prayer is being said, as well as the Hebrew name of their mother. If the mother's name is unknown, the father's name may be used.
| MARRIAGE AND WEDDINGS |
The most elaborate ceremony in Judaism, and the one which abounds in customs more than any other religious observance, is that of marriage. This unique attention lavished on the marriage ceremony reflects the very special place matrimony occupies in Jewish life both as a means to the fulfillment of the commandment "Be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1:28)," and as a condition of spiritual and mental well-being.
There are numerous statements in the Talmud extolling married life and expressing the high esteem in which the wife was held by our Sages:
"A man without a wife is not a human being (Yevamot 63a)."
"A man should always honor his wife beyond his means (Hullin 874b)."
"A man should always refrain from causing distress to his wife (Bava Metzia 59a)."
"One who does not have a wife lives without joy, without bliss, without happiness (Yevamot 62b)."
At Beth Radom classes are offered, free of charge, to all young couples wishing to learn about and experience the beauty of yiddishkeit and the basic traditions involved in keeping a Jewish home.
Contacts for experienced bridal consultants are available upon request.
Rabbi Schonblum conducts marriages only if both partners are Jewish (born to Jewish mothers or having undergone an accepted conversion) and the ceremony is held in a location which contains a kosher kitchen.
| DEATH |
Just as simchas…births, bar/bat mitzvahs, weddings…are a part of one's life transitions, so too is death. Funerals, shivas and the long months of mourning following a death are times that we must mark, with friends and family, with the same commitment and closeness that we share at times of celebration.
The only thing more painful than enduring grief, is enduring it alone. Hence, the tremendous obligation Judaism places on visiting a house of shiva, so that mourners never feel as though they are suffering alone.
Oftentimes, people say that they feel uncomfortable visiting a shiva house because they really don't know what to say, or how to behave. Remember: this is one life cycle, which…guaranteed…we will all some day experience. No one escapes the inevitable. If you really do feel uncomfortable around the mourners, just imagine for a moment how they feel.
There are no words to take away grief; often it is best to just listen. Your presence and acceptance is more important than your advice or words. Just seeing a familiar face proves, most times, to be very comforting and therapeutic.
Sitting shiva does not literally mean that the mourner needs to physically sit for an entire week. It does mean, however, that he or she tries not to leave the house during that week for any reason. Life, under these conditions can become a burden. During the shiva, friends can be of tremendous help by providing meals, organizing a minyan for services, car-pooling, grocery shopping, or even tending to financial and legal matters. Relying on one another, especially during difficult times, is what makes us a community.
Kaddish: We have an obligation to say kaddish for our deceased parents for an eleven month period, beginning from the day of interment. Kaddish is said thrice daily, in the presence of a minyan, (a Jewish quorum of ten men over the age of Bar Mitzvah), first in the morning at the shacharit service, and again later in the day for mincha (afternoon service) and for maariv (evening service).
According to Kabbalistic sources, we are told that the soul of the departed is elevated to higher levels of heaven when kaddish is said on their behalf. On a more practical level however, making the personal commitment to attend services religiously for the year has proven to be most therapeutic and comforting to the mourner.
It doesn't take long before a new avel (mourner) comes into the synagogue. Those who have already started attending recognize the look of grief on the new faces, and soon realize how far they have progressed in their own healing process.
Many find themselves witnessing, for the first time, both the involvement and beauty of the Jewish calendar year, from Rosh Chodesh (beginning of each new month) to the full costumed attire on Purim, to sitting shoeless on the floor on Tisha B'Av (the fast on the Ninth of Av), or frantically beating willow branches against the seat on Hoshanah Rabba.
Friendships, and even business partnerships which have formed between two complete strangers--both saying kaddish for a parent at the same time--have proven to last a lifetime.
If one finds, for whatever reason, that he or she is unable to make the personal commitment to attend synagogue services for the year, arrangements can be made to have this service taken care of for the proscribed time. Contact the Rabbi for more information.
Unveilings: The unveiling is a ceremony that dedicates a grave monument erected for someone who passed away twelve months earlier. The Torah tells us, "Jacob set up a monument over her [Rachel's] grave (Genesis 35:20)." It is the monument of Rachel's grave to this day.
Rachel is only one of the Matriarchs not buried with the others. She died while en route, just outside of Bethlehem. Jacob, through prophetic vision, saw a need to erect a monument on the sight of her burial. Years later, when the Jews were being exiled after the destruction of the Temple by the Babylonians, we are told that they stopped en route, by Rachel's tomb, and prayed.
We retain this ancient tradition today, and erect monuments on the burial site of our relatives. We are not a morbid people, nor are we obsessed with the idea of death. We are, however, quite aware of the power of the soul and spirit.
An unveiling is not a time to eulogize or grieve. At the ceremony, a few words are spoken, the stone is unveiled, the memorial prayer is chanted, and this is followed by the mourner's kaddish.
We have a custom to gather at the home afterwards, to of course comfort the family, to socialize, and to drink a l'chaim together. The reason for this is that it is a reminder of one of the basic teachings of Judaism; that everything in life should be experienced, only in moderation. In other words, even in our saddest and most difficult times, we are nevertheless grateful to the Almighty for all the goodness, the joys and blessing which we have to share in our lives.
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Above text adapted from writings and notes by Rabbi Steven Schonblum, 2001-2008.
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